Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

Three requirements I have for a mate.

March 7th, 2011

I’ve put off writing this post, and the series of posts that will follow it, for about 4 or 5 months now.

It’s not that I don’t believe what I’m about to write.

It’s not that I know it will be a lot of work to get all the topics covered.

And it’s not that I don’t really want to get this out there.

 

It’s that I think that too many people are going to take it the wrong way.

 

This post and the ones following are about what I look for in a woman.

What this series is NOT about:

It’s not about all women.  Many, probably even most, women are not what I am looking for.  It doesn’t mean that most women are bad, or wrong, or inferior.  Just different.

It’s not about how women SHOULD look.  Yes, I’m going to talk about physical attributes.  Yes, I generally have a specific type.  No, that does not mean I want need or expect all women to look that way.

 

Most things that can be compared between two people (two women) I have a preference.  Or at least an opinion.  Generally I’m open to different things and not too tied to specifics.  There are three things though that I’ve come to realize that I require in a woman that I’m considering for a mate or a serious relationship.

Number 1.

She must be attractive.

A lot of people are going to read that, put their own prejudices and ideas on it, and think I mean a woman needs to look a specific way.  They’re going to call me shallow, a male chauvinist and a misogynist.  Fine, if that’s the only way you can see that statement then it’s done it’s job.  I wouldn’t want to be with someone who thought those things.  But really think about how you choose a mate.  Would you really want to choose someone who was unattractive?  That’s what I’m saying.  I need to be attracted to her.  However she looks if the question “Is she attractive?” can be answered with a “yes”, what more do I need?  And I’m certainly not saying that other people need to think she’s attractive.

 

Number 2.

She must think of herself as attractive.

Because if she doesn’t think she looks good, why should I?  I’ve been around too many women who put themselves down, who are never satisfied, who can’t even accept a compliment.  And that’s just draining.  Yes, you could certainly take this one too far.  I don’t want a narcissist, or someone with no desire to better themselves.  But in general she should be happy with how she looks.

 

Number 3.

She must enjoy posing nude for me.

I think this one is going to be the most limiting.  But it is very important to me.

From a leisure standpoint, photographing nudes is something I enjoy.  And I enjoy it even more when I can share it with someone I’m in a relationship with.  This is no different than someone who enjoys motorcycles also wanting their mate to like motorcycles.

From a practical standpoint, someone who knows what happens during a photo shoot should be less likely to feel any jealousy or fear when I photograph others.

Personality wise, women I have photographed nude have been more confident, independent, daring, open, and comfortable with themselves.  All of these are qualities that I feel are important.  I’m not saying that a woman who doesn’t pose nude can not be those things, but I have not met a person who has posed nude who doesn’t have these attributes.

This requirement will also weed out a large number of women who allow others to make decisions for them.  There are many people and organizations in our country and elsewhere on our planet that feel that nudity is wrong and should be limited to a very small set of circumstances.  For a woman to decide to pose nude, and possibly go against the wishes and views of her parents, family, friends, religion, public opinion, and even the law; shows a remarkable ability for independent thought and decision making.

 

So those are my three requirements.  In the next post I will talk about what exact physical attributes I prefer.

 

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Posted in Dating, Life | Comments (0)

What you can’t fix, you feature.

March 10th, 2009

I heard that phrase a number of years ago.  They were talking about guys who wore glasses.  Some men think of glasses as a handicap, others as an asset.  In the particular story the gentleman had an eye infection and couldn’t wear his normal contact lenses.  So when he went out that night he wore glasses and asked women if he looked better with or without them.  Great way to start a conversation with something that may not be ideal.

It popped into my head in response to a thread on MM.  This thread is about one young woman’s difficulties in how people respond to her nude modeling.  In this particular thread it was her parent’s responses to her first real nude shoot.  Many of the things they said to her would apply to any number of people, from other family members, coworkers, and the general public.

And they’re all wrong.

I’m not gonna refute everything that’s in the thread.  You can go read that yourself and just use common sense.  What I am gonna do is to relate this back to the title of the post.  One of the things that her parents said was

No one will want to marry you.

Now, I’m sure that there are some people in this world that would not marry such a woman.  They would not even entertain the thought of marriage if they knew or even suspected that such an event had taken place. That any woman who would do that is morally bankrupt.  I don’t agree with the people in this group, but they have their beliefs and they’re following them.  I respect that.  Much more than the next group.

The hypocrites.  They’re okay with female nudity.  Until it’s their daughter, or their fiance.  They don’t mind seeing your girlfriend, or your wife naked, but theirs is “special” only for them.  These are the guys I like the least.  They’re usually jealous and insecure.  So many women I’ve photographed want to do nudes, but don’t because of guys in this group.

The next group we’ll call the apathetic.  They don’t really care either way.  They may tend to be slightly positive about it.  They might get to see the woman naked before having sex with her, which is usually a plus.  On the other hand if the woman hasn’t posed nude, it’s not gonna bother them at all.

I really don’t know what to call the last group.  Why don’t we call them people like me.  Nudity is important to me.  And not just sexually though that is a nice side benefit.  All of the women that I’ve met who have been nude in front of a camera are women that I want to know outside of the photography industry.  They share many of the same traits like confidence, intelligence, creativity and a willingness to try new things.  I don’t know if they had these traits before they posed nude or they developed them after posing.  Perhaps it’s some of both that feeds back on each other.  Either way these women are better than the general population.  Which is why I won’t become involved with a woman that isn’t willing to pose nude.

Now, I don’t expect a woman to strip right after I get her phone number.  And I’m not going to rule a woman out because she hasn’t posed yet.  But if she’s downright against it we won’t be spending much time together.  If the relationship progresses, and she hasn’t been in front of my camera sans clothing, then her finger will be sans ring.  That’s right.  I won’t marry a woman UNLESS she poses nude.  I would hope she enjoys it as much as I do.  I don’t expect her to have a career in nude photography, unless she wants to.  And if she only wants to pose for me, that’s fine.  But I’m not gonna stop her if she wants to pose for others.

And now we’re finally back to the first phrase at the top of this post.  What you can’t fix, you feature.  I can’t change the people in the other three groups.  But I can show them a better way to act.  So besides the personal benefits of having a wife willing to pose nude, I’m hoping that my example may help others.  And, just to show that I’m not a hypocrite, here’s some photos of me.

Josh Nude

Josh Nude

Josh Nude

Josh Nude

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Posted in black and white, color, Life, nudes, Photos | Comments (1)